


Through dark and light I fight to be

by mindofaddict



Category: Outlast (Video Games)
Genre: Creepy, Gen, M/M, Notes, POV First Person, POV Miles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 17:17:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3258011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindofaddict/pseuds/mindofaddict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How could Miles' notes look like after he became the Host?..</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through dark and light I fight to be

**Author's Note:**

> SUV - Sport Utility Vehicle. Typical "black intimidating car, for example - Torchwood used SUVs"  
> LAV - light armored vehicle (US term)

It was so close, I could almost smell the air outside. But Murkoff people were there... And pain was like a warm bed. I thought - this is it, I am done, failed and fucked up. And it scares me how okay I was with the feeling of the end.  
Last thing I saw - Walrider, thrashing everyone, mangled bodies, blood, people screaming. They screamed something... In German?  
Weird thing is - I am alive. I remember bullets, shots were most surely deadly, but I am not bleeding, skin covered in blood, I am not sure if it s mine... And lots of scars. Still miss my fingers. Writing this note in some sort of server room - it is all kind of working, buzz feels safe. And the door is quite strong.  
I hope Walrider is finished. Shall try to rest here a bit and go - the outer door is blocked and I need to find a key.

Found myself in an unknown part of Mount Massive. Looks like a storage room for staff kitchen. I forgot when I ate, I forgot all tastes except my own blood. Why am I here? My camera is still working, no signs of variants around. BUT HOW COME I AM HERE.

I want to sleep, very tired. Will climb into ventilation and crawl in some dead end. Will leave cam on - watching me. I have found a stock of batteries.

Woke up in the server room again. Covered in fresh blood and it is most definitely not mine. I am watching the video of how I slept. This is it, I am finished - I am a new host. I AM Walrider. I think Father Martin was absolutely mad, but he still knew this will happen to me, he prepared me. How can I exist as a host without the life support? I must die and end this, can't leave the place, endanger people... Fuck this guy who sent me the note, fuck this place.

I decided to "clean up" first. Need to find the worst feeling patients, disturbed, weak - end their suffering. Need to fight off Murkoff people, they might be here again soon and I need to destroy this facility. Getting an idea on how not to loose consciousness while I am Walrider. The black cloud of nano robots envelops me and acts as ecsoskeleton - quite different from poor Billy lad. I can awaken it when I feel extreme emotions - rage, fear. Then it becomes so hard to control myself... But for now I manage.  
And... I am sane. Disturbed, but sane. Shall document how I transform and start my mission. Would be great to pass this to someone, pass the files, the vid. Shit, I almost want to get away just to send it to someone - that guy probably. But I am afraid I won't be able to fight the temptation to live.

Short note - it seems like there is another intruder like me. I am going to find him. I need to find him. Killed several patients - seems like it helps to control myself. Oh, they bled...

HE HAS MY CAR *notes in blood and almost torn*

I could not film it as I wasn't quite myself, so I have to face it and write down. It looks like... I saved the guy who lured me here. Poor soul was stabbed near the exit by some sort of Murkoff important-ass manager. I hated his guts for hurting the man, it almost felt as I watched myself, guy - Park is his last name - had a cam too. The manager is now dead, split in pieces. And I saw... I saw the light of sun through the dark swarm in front of my eyes. I cried and the darkness filled me, I wanted to.. to say something to him, tell my story, ask him something... To ask him to wait, let me pass my notes. I almost got it under control, but he reached my car. I thought I would have him killed for having something I craved so much, a way out. Then I saw his face, eyes wide in pain, shock, fear. He looked at me and filmed me. Good thing - the proof of Project Walrider existence. If he survives. And I am back to clean up. Some patients still think I am sort of a God. Also re-visited female ward - I don't think I am able to write about it. Things I saw... The wedding dresses... I don't want to, no. So, Mr. Park, it is up to you now, kid. 

Most peculiar of reading is now my only entertainment - clinical records, staff files. Not sure which are the scariest. Have to guard my notes - nearly had some confidential files chewed upon by some poor soul. His (or her - I couldn't even tell) suffering is over now and Walrider doesn't bother me much. This server room almost feels like... home. Maybe it is because that guy, my only connection between this place and outer world, worked here. I have found his record - Waylon Park, huh. Looks like he got caught and went through some part of Morphogenic Therapy shit. Also, he looks funny - sort of nerdy cute. Fuck, what am I even thinking about. This place affects me in strangest ways

More and more dead ones - burned down one of the wings. Sometimes I loose track of time, sometimes there's hysterical relieve - that I am alive, that I don't have to hide under the rotting beds and hear screams like "Mine! Feed me! Little piggy!". Sometimes I'm afraid to breathe from the feeling of slipping sanity, control. Sometimes there's only darkness and I feel a particular hunger, bloodlust, head buzzing as I am a hunting dog. Then there's a blackout and after that I feel shame and sadness.

Today I saw army SUV and five LAVs, people were watching Mount Massive from the distance. Damn, I really need to wrap up faster, otherwise I might become next Billy for Murkoff. Shall think about this when burning myself. I don't want to die, it is so hard, please, anyone, please! I am almost alone here, please... O God, Miles, you're a tit.

Last more or less sane person here - Emily. I think she was ex-army. Found her outside, looked like she was delusional, thinking about Iraq and us here as few survivors of some unspeakable horrors. Damn, babe, you were sort of right. Rest in peace, Emily. We talked, I cried, you smiled, I gave you all I had - cookies and some bottled water. You didn't even notice your own death. I envy you, wishing someone was there for me. Stupid Miles.

I gave myself one last walk around. It is a beautiful day to end this. I have loads of staff phones I found, my notes, some files from there - will head away from facility and try to call somehow, send a message to that Waylon kid maybe. I know Murkoff monitor everything probably, but I have to try. Then there will be a big fire. Say chao to Walrider and Miles Upshur. At last, huh?

_Hey Waylon,_

_Not sure if you get this, no time. I really hope you are well now - I saw the files uploaded, all those webpages._  
 _WELL DONE KID. I could kiss you right now, you know, that was an amazing job you did._  
 _I can die in sort of peace now._  
 _Sorry I scared you near the car - was kinda angry and possessed, haha._  
 _Thank you for everything._  
 _Please do one thing for me - live happily. Take care._

_Sin-bloody-cerely,_  
 _Miles Upshur_


End file.
